Name: Kai
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Sunday, September 06, 2009


I meant to post about several things since I last wrote, namely Up and certain adventures that I've had with my life. But the real thing that started me posting today is something that I learnt at this talk I went to yesterday. The speakers took an example apparently commonly used in business school: they filled a jar with big stones, then little ones, and then sand. It was apparently a metaphor for how to get your life in order - if you don't put in the big stones first, then there'd be no space for them when you need to get to them in the end.


Yet I think that this model fails to take into account the little things that become big things. Like in Up, where wanting to go to Paradise Falls was always a crucial part of the main characters' lives. I did cringe everytime they broke their Paradise Falls fund to do something else. But that doesn't invalidate the things that were important to them at that point in time, whether it was wanting to have a baby, or getting a job, or any number of other stuff. What happens when a little stone becomes a big stone?


And what happens when the big stones you have inside are simple too big to accommodate anything else? I've always wanted to live abroad. But when I think about my family, I just can't do it. Freedom and family don't always go hand in hand, and there has to be a trade-off. What happens when the stones that I have right now are more important to me? Going out with my friends may be a small stone, but when you recast the stone as friendship, it is a big one. Dressing up with my colleagues and winning the best dressed award at the company dinner and dance may be a small stone, but the fact that it makes my job that much more likeable? Is a big stone. And without that dinner and dance, I would never have learnt how to wear a kimono and have so much fun actually wearing one.


What about trading one stone for another? I don't know whether it's just me, but I am shy to take that step from friendship to love. I know that if I don't take that step, I will never know what could have been. Yet... would this be like the last time when I gave up one opportunity only to find that the other opportunity had not been there at all?


In the end my fear is that I will become another Elsie - someone who was vibrant and bright and brimming with ideas, who had a lot of adventures with her life and enjoyed it, who gavanised those she held dear to reach for the stars, but never went on that great adventure herself. I hold my loved ones dear, but I am afraid I would like to be a little selfish. I want to go for that great adventure too. Will anyone align the stars for me and bring me there?
Raynos unsheathed her sword at 11:40 PM


Thursday, July 16, 2009


I haven't posted lately because there have been a couple of upsets in my life, mostly beyond my control but still upsetting nevertheless. It's related to more than one issue, so I took some time to try and sort it out. I'm still sorting them out right now, and won't speculate how long it's gonna take.


There are however, some bright spots. Today I went out with a bunch of people from my work batch to buy a farewell gift for a friend who is leaving our company to get married. The gift had to be from Precious Moments apparently, so that's where we went to after lunch. I was quite surprised to see that Precious Moments had done a Disney range. There were about 8 with Cinderella, maybe 5 with Snow White, and some figurines of Belle and Jasmine scattered about. They were wistfully cute, in the way that Precious Moment tends to be, and I had fun spotting which scenes that were depicted by the figurines. The guys were attracted to these figurines too, and soon we had shortlisted two of the figurines: the one where the Prince puts on a glass slipper for Cinderella, and one where Prince Charming is offering a rose to Snow White, who is leaning on a chair.


I chose Snow White because I liked the vividness of the rose that was being offered to Snow White: a deep red as compared to the pastels that Precious Moments favours. But one of my other guy friend said that he preferred Cinderella on a standalone basis and not even as part of a couple because he thought of her as signifying change. He had his eye on Cinderella after her transformation as bluebirds fluttered beside her. Out of curiousity I picked up the figurine, and found that the inscription on it read "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes", which was quite in line with the wishes that we had for her. I then admitted to my guy friend, "Yeah, you're right. And we don't know which fairytale she relates more to."


Which lead me to think about which Disney-adapted fairytale I thought would apply to me. For the longest time I thought of myself as Jasmine, but when Belle came along with her booksmarts and her bravery I thought my story related better to hers. And yet I did not like Belle or Jasmine's figurines. I had thought it was because they were alone, but when I saw a figurine with Wendy holding a lantern with Tinkerbell in it, my heart fixated on that one instead.


So I guess that's a long way of saying that even though I liked certain Disney fairytales better than others, that may not apply to the figurines. And they were surprisingly pricey too: when we finally settled on a figurine that was not Disney in favour of showing friendship instead of love, we found that they were half the price. Still, given how pretty they were and the place that Disney holds in my childhood, that perhaps might be a worthy price to pay.

Raynos unsheathed her sword at 2:06 PM


Thursday, June 11, 2009


This place is like a warm security blanket that I run to every once in a while when something major comes up. I can still remember the times when I actually typed up blog entries under the table when I was in Literature classes, keeping my eyes on the teacher while writing my innermost thoughts. Thank goodness for having classes in the computer lab.



I guess that was just a mental detour to say that I've discovered things about myself that I may or may not be comfortable with. Last year, I signed up for a movie date service where guys invite you to movies and you decide whether or not to accept. My membership was renewed even though I wasn't keen on going for any more of such dates. However, I did accept such a date recently. Long story short, there was a mess-up in selection of the movie, and I threw a hissy fit and said I wouldn't go.



A hissy fit I later relented on. I decided to try out the movie (and the guy) after all. As a result I ended up experiencing what it was like to watch a movie for the first time alone. I don't blame him. After all I was seriously considering not going, and now that I've watched a movie alone, I know it isn't a fun experience. More importantly, I've learnt that it is far more important to have honesty in my actions, to do something only when I'm comfortable with doing it and thought things through. I should not want to do things just because it matches what I want to convey, or just because it's the easy way out.



I've decided to write this here because this is something I want to remember: a moment when I remembered why it's important to be honest, to myself the most of all.
Raynos unsheathed her sword at 2:02 PM


Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Today was an exercise in nostalgia for me, and to finish it off I guess I'll write in my blog.


Lately I've had too much time to think because I've been stuck at home on this "split operations" thing that the company has rolled out. While working from home is more relaxing, it's also boring because I don't get to talk to my colleagues. There's only me and my mother, and while our relationship has improved to the point where I actually chat with her it's not quite the same. She doesn't understand my workplace stuff, and half of the time when I mention people she's doesn't know who they are! So it is a bit irritating.


Since I've had so much time, I'd thought I'd make some headway on the backlog of "things that I lost in the hard drive crash (goddammit)". One of these is saving fanart. I LOVE FANART. And I've been told I have pretty good tastes in fanart! =DDD One of the 'staples' of my collection was this site called Lovedrop. Aside from the pictures on their website, I also found a lot of lovely doodles on their blog. I hit it up again... only to find that they had deleted all of their old posts!


Luckily or unluckily, this was one of the sites where I had backed up SOME of the pictures but I'm not sure if this is better or worse because I keep looking at what I do have and marvelling at how awesome some of these were and I completely forgot about them. What if there were more? What if I had missed out on something great?


It's only a bunch of pictures! you'd protest. Which is true, but it was more of an attitude thing... I could've saved all my data, if I had backed it up. Or if I had been less stubborn in trying to restart my computer. By the time I got around to it, it was too late. Am I going to sit around and let it happen another time?


This is why I've decided to start writing in this blog again. It is more important that I write down what I am at this point in time for me. You could consider it a form of backing up my life.
Raynos unsheathed her sword at 10:47 PM


Sunday, February 08, 2009


Yesterday, as part of my friend's project, I took a bunch of photos of what I ate. There's a reason why I'm not a foodie (despite liking food) and I think the pics show why. Really badly taken shots ahead! (Again, everything taken with my handphone camera).



Breakfast

Since it's the 13th day of the Chinese New year we're still clearing New Year goodies. (There's a lot less than when we started though!) This is only a selection of what we have. In the photos, there's love letters (store bought, mom didn't make any this year), kueh bangkit (the white one, I personally like the pandan flavoured green ones better but they're getting rare), peanut cookie, peanut puff and peanut fritter (the one on the right). It looks deceptively simple, but don't be mistaken, they have lots of calories! Still, the calories are worth it for the yumminess.




On a slightly more heathly note, I also take vitamin C in the morning. Not as many as I poured out (purely for visual effects!) since I'm not addicted to pills.


Lunch and dinner


Not homecooked, but just as yummy! This is the mutabak from the shop at Eunos that I always ate at before my piano lessons. =D We still go there from time to time, but less often now that I'm not actually doing piano lessons anymore. The lamb filling is awesome!




The mutabak usually comes with curry. It's the one in the upper right corner (closer to the mutabak). The one in the lower left corner is sweet curry. So what's the sweet curry for?



Indian rojak of course! To be honest, I don't know what these are called, but I know the one on the bottom is made of beans. And all the things are very tasty.



Inside of the red one.



Fishballs and fishcakes aren't actually a part of Indian rojak, but they go very well with the sweet curry. That's why we add it to the mix of food we eat.



More Vitamin C! This time in the form of oranges. Mmmm, small little oranges.
Raynos unsheathed her sword at 9:29 AM


Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Happy belated Chinese New Year! Well, it's still actually Chinese New Year (third day to be exact) and it will be for another 12 days more, but it's not the first day. It is however, my first day back in office. Phew! That's a lot of work I have.



During the CNY break, I watched a lot of movies. I watched No Country for Old Men (blergh, and I really really think I've watched it before, but I don't remember when or where. Not in the cinema though), Ironman (a rewatch. I felt vindicated when my mom said she liked it) and The Lake House. I actually started watching it for the house (it won an architectural award!) but the house, of all things, wasn't featured much in the show. The house was more of a plot point than an actual place. I'd wanted to see people living in its rooms but that somehow didn't happen. I also thought the romance was a bit contrived, and the plot twist was a little beyond my stretch of imagination.



I did however get a lot of inspiration from the mentions of Persuasion by Jane Austen in the book, and how that story inspired the Lake House story. It makes me want to write something about waiting for the right time.
Raynos unsheathed her sword at 1:28 PM


Thursday, January 22, 2009


My first post for 2009 is made near Chinese New Year! *laughs* I keep saying that I should post here more often, but somehow I don't end up doing it.



Part of it has to do with my chronic state of exhaustion. I was so tired that I practically slept the whole day. I was so tired that I even slept through part of the budget statement that I was trying to listen to! I knew that I was exhausted when I took leave for the New Year, but I didn't realise that I was that tired!



Work is going to get more busy now that the new year has started. The recession isn't helping either. I remember when I was walking back to office I saw the market indicators on the screen I had to laugh and take a photo, because all the indicators were showing downward arrows. I thought it was an extremely apt summary of what is happening now.



Hopefully I will find more to write about in the new year.


Raynos unsheathed her sword at 7:27 PM